


Dan and Phil Can't Cook

by Yiffandquiff (paradisobound)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Christmas fic, Holiday Angst, M/M, dan and phil can't cook
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-25 05:48:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21910999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paradisobound/pseuds/Yiffandquiff
Summary: Dan and Phil were in charge of cooking the Christmas dinner this year in their new home in London. However, when things don't go to plan, and Dan gets upset, their families come to the rescue and save the day.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 3
Kudos: 18
Collections: Phandom Writers Discord 2019 Holiday Gift Exchange





	Dan and Phil Can't Cook

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



> This was written for softphiily for our discord server holiday fic exchange! 
> 
> I hope you really like this fic and I did your prompt justice!

It was Dan and Phil’s first time hosting Christmas in London. They had been used to traveling to their parents’ homes for Christmas. Dan would go with Phil to his family’s home on the Isle of Man a few days before Christmas and then he would go home to his house with his mum and his nan.

But this was a big deal for their families to come and spend the day with them. Dan was excited, but also nervous at the fact that this was his first time ever hosting a very important dinner like this. He had done casual dinners before. Ones where he called their friends and said, “hey, let’s grab some wine and have some Chicken Alfredo”. But this was entirely different. It wasn’t so much about making a dinner for his friends anymore, but this was impressing his family and his future family-in-law with the skills he _arguably_ possess.

So this time, it was him and Phil in charge of cooking the entire Christmas dinner for the Lester’s and his mum, grandma, and brother. Plus, Phil also brought up the day before that Martyn and Cornelia were planning on going too. It was going to be a full house, without a doubt they were going to have to find places to seat everyone, but it was Kath’s idea for them to host the dinner after they moved into their forever home two months before and Dan thought it was only fair that he invited his family too.

This has been a big year for them. It took a lot of planning and a lot of work but Dan was really proud of the little home that they had managed to get in the outskirts of London, only a tube ride into the city. It was quiet, and Dan was really happy here despite everything they went through to get approved and then the move itself. Moving always was stressful no matter what.

But Dan was still determined to put on the best Christmas dinner that he could.

Dan had the entire dinner planned out a month in advance. He had every recipe printed out or bookmarked, ingredients beginning to be bought, and decorations and plates coming in the mail. He even had Phil go with his to Tesco to pick out everything that they needed and they went recipe by recipe to buy everything. He was ready to take this on…or so he thought.

It was the morning on Christmas but instead of them opening presents, Dan was busy basting the turkey to go into the oven…and preparing the vegan tofurkey that he bought just for his brother. Not to mention, he had just, _hopefully_ successfully made his own stuffing and he’s not quite sure how to feel about that. But now, he had both versions of turkey in the oven, ready to go now.Just as he shutting the oven door, Phil comes into the kitchen, his hair all over the place and his glasses slightly askew.

“How is going?” Phil asks him, peeking over his shoulder.

“The turkey is in and so is the tofurkey,” Dan says. “Now I just have to start roasting the potatoes and…”

“You’re already stressing out,” Phil says, rubbing his hands overtop of Dan’s shoulders, down to lower back. “The turkey is the biggest thing, so go take a break while it cooks for a while. We have plenty of time to start the everything else before the turkey is done.”

Dan let out a sigh. He looked down at the cutting board of potatoes and water and the other various juices that Dan’s not even sure where it came from. He feels overwhelmed. He doesn’t even know why he agreed to do this. He should have just went out and bought premade food because _who was he kidding. He couldn’t do this._

“Go sit on the couch for a few and watch an episode of Food Wars. I’ll stay in the kitchen and watch the turkey for you.”

Dan just smiled softly and nodded as he scooped his half-ass cut potatoes in his hands and dumped them into an empty, clean bowl off to the side of the cutting board. He washed his hands under the faucet and then

Phil goes to the coffee maker and begins to make himself a cup of coffee as Dan leaves the kitchen to go into the living room. He sits down on the couch and pulls his phone from his pocket. He sees a text from his mum on his screen.

_Train is going to arrive early. Be there soon. xx Mum_

Dan sighs.

Today was going to be a _day._ He could already tell.

He sits back on the couch, unaware of just how tired he actually is. He had to wake up at 4am to make sure that he could get the rolls out to rise from the fridge and start preparing the turkey.

The theme song of Food Wars plays behind his lids as he rests his head back on the couch.

***

Dan didn’t realize his eyes had shut until he’s waking up to the smoke alarm going off in their kitchen. Dan opens his eyes, trying to pinpoint the noise until he is able to process the string of curses coming out from beyond the archway.

Dan quickly gets up from the couch, rushing to the kitchen to find Phil trying to fan away the smoke coming from the open oven door.

“What the fuck happened?” Dan yelled, pointing at the oven. “What is that?”

Phil looked up from the oven with a sympathetic look, “I…I kind of forgot the turkey was in here and I went back to our room to edit my new video without realizing you fell asleep on the couch. When I came back, the oven was filled with smoke and when I opened it, the smoke alarms went off.”

Dan shoved past Phil and opened the oven door further as he fanned away the smoke and looked at the very clearly burnt and overdone turkey. He felt like his heart fell out of his chest. Tears rushed to his eyes and he stood up from the oven, his mouth open wide as he turned to Phil, rage filling his veins.

“You told me you were going to watch the oven!” He screamed, his voice reaching levels he didn’t know it could reach. “You were in charge of watching the turkey. What the fuck are we supposed to now, Phil? No stores are open to go and buy another one. We’re fucked and…”

Their doorbell rings at that time and Dan feels the heat of his anger bubble under his skin as Phil quickly turns his head away from him and rushes to the door. Dan just stands in awe in front of the oven, tears beginning to collect in his eyes as he realizes that all of his hard work was literally burnt, inedible. He slammed the oven door shut and held back sobs as his lips shook and his chest heaved.

He slips down to the floor and can just vaguely hear the sound of his mum and grandma coming through the front door just outside when his mum suddenly says, “Oh, it’s a bit hazy in here. Something happen, boys?”

Dan loses it for good, ugly harsh sobs breaking through his throat as he covers his face in his hands and cries out all of the frustration of everything that just happened. He doesn’t even realize that anyone had come into the kitchen until his mum and nan are suddenly kneeling beside him and reassuring him that everything was okay. Except, he knows deep down that it’s not. The Christmas dinner is ruined.

“Shit happens, hun,” His mum says, pushing his hands from his face like she used to do when he was a child. “It’s okay. We can just eat everything else.”

Dan opens his eyes and looks through blurry vision at his mum and grandma, and just past them he can see Phil looking sad in the doorway with a distressed looking Adrian beside him. Dan must look like a right mess having a breakdown over a turkey, but he feels like his emotions are warranted for all of the stress that he’s had. He didn’t just wake up at 4am and prepare for weeks to do a Christmas dinner just to have it go to shit in almost an instant.

He sits in uncomfortable silence with everyone else until his butt begins to hurt from sitting on the hard tile and he decides to agree with his mum. He stands up, but just as he does so, she shoos him out of the kitchen with Phil and Adrian and pushes them into the living room, telling them to, “ _Not step a single foot back inside._ ”

Dan sits down on one end of the couch while Phil sits at the other and Adrian takes a seat in the chair next to them. Dan wipes the leftover tears from his face with the back of his sweater covered hand. He couldn’t even feel proud of his sweater any more, the one he bought specifically for today. It even lit up but that didn’t matter anymore when his Christmas had been ruined.

He can hear his mum and nan in the kitchen, running the faucet and setting timers. He wants to go in there and try to help, prove he’s not a failure of a 30 year old man because he couldn’t cook a proper Christmas dinner. But he remains seated in the couch with his arms folded limply on his lap.

“I’m sorry,” Phil says eventually, breaking the silence. “I told you I would watch the oven and I failed at doing that.”

Dan looks at him and shakes his head, “No, it was my fault for falling asleep. I should have been more responsible with the dinner.”

Phil lets out a soft chuckle. “I don’t think either of us are cut out for cooking grand meals.”

Dan snorts and agrees, “That’s for sure.”

Just minutes later, the Lester’s arrive too and soon, it’s Martyn, Cornelia, Nigel, Adrian, Dan and Phil all sitting in the living room playing a quick card game as Kath assists in the kitchen. When Kath had asked what had happened and Dan started crying again, she had swatted his arm and told him to _dry his eyes because it’s happened to everyone once in their life._

By some Christmas miracle, between his mum, Kath, and his nan, the turkey is actually saved and the rest of the dinner is also made. When they present it at the table in their dining room, Dan tries to tell them that they shouldn’t have done that because it was _Dan and Phil’s_ responsibility to do the dinner. But both Kath and his mum insist that they didn’t mind helping out a bit after the fiasco that morning.

After the delicious meal, they opened presents, and Dan made sure to apologize to Phil one more time for his outburst before giving him a pair of Muse tickets to a show at Wembley Stadium around Phil’s birthday.

Before everyone leaves for the day and they bid their happy holiday’s and farewells, his nan stops him in the doorway and whispers in his ear during their hug, “you never could cook, darling. Don’t take it personally. I’ll cook the dinner next year.”

And for some reason, Dan laughs and smiles and agrees because _yeah, maybe in hindsight having the kid who burnt pasta because he didn’t know you had to put water_ _with it_ wasn’t the best candidate to help make a grand Christmas dinner.


End file.
